Oleander is a small tree cultivated worldwide in temperate and subtropical areas as an ornamental and landscaping plant. It is one of the most beautiful and poisonous small trees in the world.
Today, after a very long time, I went to see the capital of my beloved homeland-Bratislava. I accompanied my friend to a job interview and supported him. He was accepted for the position. I wish it to him very much and I am happy for that, but at that moment when I see how important people in my life begin a new, independent stage of their life, I realized for the first time that I am probably an adult person :D. However, this, let’s call it an “article”, won’t be directly about my friends or their jobs, or how they start a new, independent phase of their lives. It will be about life itself.
I started creating this hard-written article in coupé seat during a train journey to Brno, while watching the birches of the forests disappear into the distance and listening to the university professor explaining the subject matter to his daughter. They matched perfectly together and I envied them. At that moment, a strange, unspecified grief hit me. I expected this kind of visit while wandering around Bratislava but not in that form. It may sound strange, but it was sadness over happiness. Happiness that I still can’t grasp as perfectly as misfortune. Happiness and unhappiness in harmony springing directly from life itself.
I begin to realize the tragicomic story of our lives waving from side to side, and we could do virtually nothing about it. I realized that no matter how hard I try to make the people I love happy around me, finding happiness won’t help me. I was sad because I also knew that one day we will have to say goodbye to everyone. The sources of life are unpredictable, many times dangerous but beautiful like an oleander. The path you have walked with many people for whom you would do everything, will one day split and you will set out on your own, new path. And you will only see them in the distance. You will see the people who have been so loved ones, but maybe one day your paths intersect at the crossroads of destiny again.
There is a lot of dark in my mind. I often think about the purpose of my life, but I do not have enough strength to do something with it, even to end it. I am just trying to support other people in their happiness, that's all I am capable of. I am never thinking about my happiness, I am poisoned by oleander. So do not try to find the essence of life, do not make the same mistakes as me. I am lost but you still have a chance. Remember that life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.
Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.
